HOW TO BUILD RAPPORT WITH A CHILD EXPERIENCING DISTRESS DUE TO WAR
The conflict can be traumatic for children. Many have been deprived of the bare essentials, such as food or sleep, and some may be scared of loud noises. Adults should follow these steps to build rapport when communicating with children who have been through stress. This will help avoid violating the child's boundaries and «restore» a sense of safety.
How to approach a child:
I. Assessing the child's needs
- Get down to a child's eye level (for example, by kneeling down or squatting in order to be physically on the same level).
- Ask the child how he/she is feeling. Acknowledge and validate any emotions they may share (e.g.,«I can understand feeling afraid. This is a very hard time»).
- Ask them what they need now. Do they want water or food, or do they need a toilet? Are they warm?
- Maybe the child is feeling sick?
- Does he/she want to play (perhaps with other children if available)?
II. Support
- Tell the child that if he/she wants to talk, you are ready to listen.
- Ask the child what he/she likes to talk about.
- Ask what topics he/she would prefer not to talk about.
- Ask what he/she likes to do (for example, whether the child likes to draw, craft, dance, sing, build Lego, etc.).
- Tell the child that if he/she needs something, he/she can turn to you.
What NOT TO DO When Communicating with a Child:
1. Do not ask the child about the hostilities they may have witnessed, how they felt when sirens sounded, when explosions and shots were heard*.
2. Do not ask the child about those who remained behind in the zone of active warfare*.
3. Do not violate the child's personal space. Be sure to ask the child if you can hold their hand or hug them before doing so.
4. Do not express insincere emotions. You are also a human who has their own experiences and, if you are not in the mood, don’t just fake a smile because you have a child in front of you. Children feel the insincerity of adults, which can negatively affect your relationship.
5. Do not discuss traumatic events related to hostilities in the presence of the child.
6. Do not use profanity in the presence of the child.
* Asking a child about traumatic events can lead to negative feelings or tantrums, which is highly undesirable. It is better to have the child speak up when they are ready.
Adapted from UNICEF Ukraine.
